Mindful Sex - Better Sex Through Embodiment
Do you feel like your sex life is unsatisfying? Do you feel distracted during sex, whether thinking about the long list of chores you need to do, feeling anxious about performance or the way you look, or feeling disconnected from your body?
Mindful sex is an effective strategy in bringing you back into the present moment, allowing you to connect, experience pleasure, and build confidence and arousal.
In a late-stage capitalist world, we are constantly facing pressure, distractions, and competitions. This can manifest as daily stress, anxiety, and difficulty focusing on the present. Our society doesn’t allow us to breathe and be in our bodies. The result of this is disembodiment – to be separated from the very thing that helps us connect, survive, and experience pleasure. How could we possibly connect meaningfully with others or have satisfying sexual lives, when we struggle to connect with ourselves?
Maintaining a satisfying romantic relationship and sex life is deeply influenced by how embodied we are. To be embodied means to have an awareness of the experience of the body, such as emotional, physical, sensational and sensory experiences. In a world where disconnection from the present is standard, we need to be intentional about connecting with our senses and the present moment. This is where mindfulness as a strategy is so important.
You might be thinking, “Hang on…I thought mindfulness was only ever done on your own, sitting in silence. How could you do this whilst having sex?”. Great question! Of course, mindfulness can be done on your own in silence, however mindfulness itself is the act of bringing your awareness to the present moment, including noticing any thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations from a non-judgemental point of view. You don’t have to sit alone in silence to do this! To have mindful sex means to bring your awareness to the present, noticing your sensory experience, physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts, from a non-judgemental lens.
I won’t go into ALL of the research but will provide you with some more evidence-based info. Research has found that people who were more sexually mindful tended to have higher self-esteem, be more satisfied with their relationships, and particularly for women, be more satisfied with their sex lives. Research has found that mindfulness helps alleviate distractions, supports emotional regulation and more intentional behaviour, leading to higher levels of sexual satisfaction. In one study at the University of British Columbia, a group of women undertook group mindfulness meditation sessions and practiced mindfulness at home. The outcome of which was an increase in desire, arousal, lubrication and sexual satisfaction. Sounds amazing right?
Even more amazing is that mindfulness is free! Here are some tips on getting started:
Start building your mindfulness skill by practicing mindfulness meditations on your own (apps like Smiling Mind are great).
Once you become familiar with mindfulness as a strategy, try exploring mindful masturbation. Ferly is a great app for guided mindful masturbation. If you experience performance anxiety, dissociate during sex/masturbation, or have experienced trauma, I strongly recommend seeking support first before trying this.
When you are ready, bring this practice into sex. Focus on sensation, emotions, and connection – without pressure or judgement. How does your partner’s skin feel on yours? What temperatures are you noticing in different parts of your body? What sensations can you feel? As mentioned above, if you experience sexual anxiety, have previous trauma, dissociate during sex/masturbation, or have high levels of conflict in your relationship, please seek support before trying this. Emotional and physical safety must come first!
In a world that constantly pulls our attention outward, mindful sex offers a powerful invitation to turn inward—to reconnect with our bodies, our desires, and our partners. Through intentional awareness and self-compassion, mindful sex helps us break the cycle of distraction and disembodiment, guiding us back to a place of authentic connection—with ourselves and with those we love. By practicing mindfulness, whether on our own or through shared intimate moments, we reclaim our capacity for presence, pleasure, and connection.
Need support with intimacy or connection? Feel free to reach out by contacting me – I am here to help.